This is Sheamonique Ellis with 1 Busy Mommy. The millennial mom’s online destination for all things personal development, lifestyle, self love, and family life. The main mission is to pour into yourself so that you can pour into everyone else and what better way to go into 2019 by getting closer to your truth and finding out who you are!
So I looked through my journals and looked at all of my books from 2018 and came up with a self discovery journal. 2018 was a year of self discovery and I tapped into my soul, got closer to God, and really came to manifest my power as a woman, a mom, and a spouse. So In this, I have some questions and some situations to consider to get closer to what you want, what you like, what you dislike, what you need for yourself, and for others. Its 30 pages that can be as deep as you let it. You can scratch the surface or go deep its all up to you. Download this amazing journal and see what you find out.
In 2018, I uncovered
my defense mechanisms towards people who yell at me (still working on this)
tapping into the lifestyle I really want
having real communication with Anthony about what moves us and what we are moving towards together
my legit concerns of being a former single mother and coming to depend on Anthony as a spouse
my career choice and how my own needs in my professional life
my friendships and what I need from others for me to feel we are truly friends
This is Sheamonique Ellis with 1 Busy Mommy. This is the 1 stop online destination for all things personal development, lifestyle, family, self love, and healing. So who you are is just a work up of all your habits.
Your morning routine, your self care regiment, your hobbies, your health, your personal development, family activities is all made up of your habits. If you have a habit of going to museums and bookstore then that becomes the family activities and your kids interests, la la la. But keeping and maintaining habits is a somewhat complex process but to chop it down and serve it up you have to give it a reward.
In order to reward yourself for keeping and maintaining habits you have to see the results of it and see that the reward is beneficial enough to maintain it. For example, you brush your teeth every morning. The reward for doing that is a nice healthy smile, the punishment would be stank breath, people making up their face when they talk to you, rotten teeth…. etc. But these are AVERSIVE and gross and you get feedback almost immediately.
But… not every habit works this way.
For instance, working on your Spanish every day through Duolingo, that amazing APP that has like 40 langauges, may not have the immediate reward especially if you don’t get to use it often. You not doing it every day is not going to be Aversive unless you create a punishment for it which doesn’t often work. You are more likely to maintain a new habit if you enjoy the reward and not just because you are looking to avoid the punishment.
So the best way to maintain and create a new habit for these purposes would be to track it. And when you successfully complete the duration you reward yourself with something that will maintain the habit. So to follow up on the Spanish app, After using it for 6 days straight you can reward yourself with a glass of wine, sweet treat, a trip to your favorite take out spot or whatever else that matches or maintains the habit. You wouldn’t reward yourself with shoes…. because you wouldn’t be able to buy yourself a new pair of shoes every week.
So habit and a reward to match. Use this habit tracker to help you stay on top of it!
This helps me to keep track of a several habits at once. Download it here at this link.
Put it somewhere you will see it daily. Keep track of it on here and watch the check marks grow. If you have to put a reminder in your phone do so, remember that do what works for you and do it consistently so that your new habits can just be a normal part of your routine. Let me know how it works out!
This is my first post for 1 Busy Mommy, LLC. A platform that promotes self care, self love, wellness, and personal development for the woman who is also a mom. The woman comes first because who YOU are as a person makes up WHO YOU ARE in every role that you have. So my roles are christian, mom, spouse, daughter, friend, colleague and the list goes on. They have a BIG part in what I do and how I do things but WHO I AM makes up all the roles that I play.
So YOU AS A PERSON, ME AS A PERSON, in order to MOVE onto the blessings that are meant for you, you have to surrender. Let go. Acknowledge that the ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IS YOU. So how are you controlling you? Where does your stress, planning, management, wellness, and everything else come about. And I found the answer.
PRAYER is how you surrender. Prayer is how you get what is meant for you. I chased a lot of things based on what I thought I needed to have, needed to become, needed to pursue, needed to buy… and yes it felt good in the moment. BUT its IMPOSSIBLE to sustain what is not meant for you. Doing things in your own power is what causes the stress, the burnout, the lack of fulfillment, a meaningless existence. Not getting your blessings, not living in purpose is what causes you to fill yourself with things outside of you can begin to define yourself based on your relationships and your purchases and not by the traits that you have. Why define yourself by your career, your job title, the things you own, the relationships you have to people and NOT BASED ON WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE…..
I want my blessings. I want what God has planned for me. I want to wake up feeling like I did so on purpose and that it was a gift that is special.
Pray, Surrender, Ask… and listen without question.
Is this meant for me God? Confirm this for me God? Is this the job I should take? Is this the book I should write? When should I do it God? AND IT WILL UNFOLD FOR YOU NATURALLY. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Cor. 9:8)
So… Don’t come up with your own plan. Do not use your own will. Do not identify your own resources. It will be shown to you. The path will come to light, after you pray.
I had to accept that a lot of the choices that I made was of my own picking. Returning back to my spiritual self and realizing that I had been listening to a number of others who didn’t know what dream I had on my heart. I was telling people about my aspirations and beliefs who didn’t have the vision to see what I saw. And why would they? God, told me, not them. Why would I expect them to understand? Why should they have to? You can not get your blessings surrounded by people who do not believe for you. Your circle is a reflection of you so what you see in them is what is in you.
Then, Acknowledge that the blessings that are in store for you and not meant to be understood. If you can see the how… then YOU ARE LITERALLY DREAMING SMALL. You don’t need to see, you have to trust.
So this is my journey…. in trust. In obedience. This is my acknowledgement that there is something outside of me that sustains me to do everything that I have been called to do. Doing it only in my power makes it feel hard, impossible, or unnecessary.
You want what is for you…. Pray.
I started praying. Getting closer to God, reading the bible, going to church and I felt it. The shift… The pull and I can finally say… I get it.
Alignment comes from within. In order to align you have to consult. Its not your husband, your friend, your mom, your children that can guide you. Through them God will affirm your prayers. So trust the process. In order to get the blessings for you… You have to go to God.
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I am the Master’s carrying, salaried woman, who got it on her own that the media tells you about.
I am lover of coffee, fine wine, the color yellow, the smell of books, the joy of musicals, and giraffes.
I am girl of optimism, the starter of conversation, the first to the dance floor, but also disinterested in being the center of attention.
I am the artist, scared to bare my soul, so I try to write it beautifully.
I am the woman who knew well enough that I couldn’t ask a man to heal all the scars on my soul left by the pervert who lived in my house and made me feel unsafe, and too beautiful. That it must be something that I did aside from go to bed that made him come into my room while my mom worked.
I am the girl who excelled at school, and became student body president, so that they could focus on my smile and see what I wanted them to see.
I am the girl who knew I wasn’t strong enough to heal my own scars so I went to counseling, I went to God, I went to prayer, to make myself anew.
I am the woman who learned that real men who want you pursue you and that my need to be independent and assertive was actually my crutch. So when I finally learned to submit, to allow myself to need someone, I did so to a man that knew how to handle my strength and allowed me to be me.
I am still becoming on this journey of womanhood, motherhood, and creativity. I am finally allowing myself to define myself after years of permitting others to define me.
Those new to the blog thank you for stopping in and and to my return readers I just thought that I should share. I got the chance to share out my feelings on motherhood as a guest on the Go Forth and Adult Podcast. If you want to check it out you can do so here Mother, May I? and I got to share my thoughts on being a mother in this wonderful feminist era, #metoo movement, where women are finally being heard and acknowledged as people.
What was posed in the conversation was the idea that is being perpetuated about Black mothers who have an interesting intersection in the media as being too STRONG, too INDEPENDENT, too HARD to be seen as the soft, vulnerable, sweet, loving woman that is often portrayed of white mothers.
But what was posed was the question of How do you define yourself outside of being a mom? What do you do to keep your identity outside of being a mother. and I understood the intention of the question. Society has shown us for far too long that women’s main purpose is to be a mom without promoting that same ideal of fatherhood on to men. And I remember stating very clearly… I am the wrong person to ask.
When really, I was the perfect person to ask. So again, I encourage you to go and check out the podcast, I was perhaps TOO HOT (honest, Open, transparent) but I shared…
I am Shea and the roles that I have are mom, daughter, girlfriend, etc..
In how I define myself and want to be seen as a mother is that I should be acknowledged, FIRST as a person.
I am SOMEONE…before I am Someone’s MOM, Daughter, Wife, Sister, Friend, Colleague. I am a person first.
Their are moms tell who when asked who are they, they start with Mom, or Wife. I am not here to tell you how to define yourself. I am here to remind you that no one else is allowed to define you. No one can tell you who and what you are. You have the right to inform them.
I have to remember me in the midst of all of this. Who you are as a person is who you will be in all of the roles you occupy. So that goes on to say that if you STAND solely on the roles you play… When those role have struggle and strife, and they will you will question yourself as a PERSON. Not doing well as a mom, and if you define yourself solely in that role then you begin to question your WORTH as a person. If you are a wife first when your marriage is going through its problems or its struggles then you will also question your WORTH. So defining WHO you are, WHO I AM, on anything that is outside of me where I may have influence but not control makes it hard to be maintain happiness and gratitude.
My role of mom is a gift. I am reminded of that everyday. I am shown beautiful memories with everything that my children do. BUT…. I have to be Happy with myself in order to be Happy. If I am not happy it doesn’t matter what they do, I won’t be able to feel joy. You are you? How do you define you? What do you care about? Stay Tuned! I have an amazing gift for all of my subscribers to help with their self-discovery, their soul uncovering, and healing. Subscribe to the blog below to stay in the know.
This is how it typically goes. You say something positive about yourself and then that small voice inside of you says something against it. You give yourself life…UNTIL the small voice can’t say anything.
Duel of Self
This is Me: “”
And My Insecure Self: (italics)
I am a river. (No you’re not)
I am giving. (No you’re not)
I am the answer to someone’s prayer. (Who’s prayer?)
I am promoted by God. (Girl, please)
I am selfless. (You tried it)
I am honest. (Now, you lying?)
I am kind. (Not, wit yo mean ass!)
I am beautiful. (MMMMmmm, I’ll give you that one)
I am powerful. (Not today)
I am feminine. (Not in every way)
I am unique. (But sometimes you’re the same)
I am a mentor. (Girl, stop playing)
I am a role model. (To who?)
I am dope. (For you?) I am interesting. (Yeah, sometimes) I am witty. (Yeah you right)
I am a good Shepherd of money. (Not even when you try).
I am a wonderful mother. (Not all the time)
I am intelligent. (This I know)
I am creative. (Silence) I am a entrepreneur. (Even louder Silence)
I am a boss. (Now that’s a lie)
I am a successful business woman (only if you try)
I am saved. (Yeah, we’re making through)
I am a woman of integrity. (True)
I am vivacious. (True)
I am empowering. (True)
I am a movement. (Only you know)
I am able. (…)
I am able. (…)
I am able. (…)
I am able. (…)
I am able… I am able…. I am able!
Insecure self: 21
and that is more than enough
[Note: You never refer to yourself as YOU or by name. Whenever you say something to yourself in the 2nd person, YOU, or ______ (fill in the blank with your name) know that this is not your true voice. You talk to yourself in “I” statement. If only I, I need to, Why did I…. That is YOUR OWN VOICE, You, or Your name _________ is the voice of your enemy. The voice of your insecure self. Talk nicely to yourself. Like you are the most precious person in the whole world. In YOUR WORLD, You are]