What My Brother’s Suicide Taught Me About Life?

Hello Love,

So just a say after celebrating my 4 year anniversary with my best friend and love of my life, I have to acknowledge the day my brother took his on life. We were estranged, my brother and I, after he left to join the military during my sophomore year of high school and I didn’t hear from him again until shortly after I graduated college.

He messaged me to let me know he was proud. And sent me a gift.

He sent my a kindle fire, something I used until I lost the charger, and something I haven’t thrown away because it’s the only thing he ever gave me.

While I was on the first day to with the man that would one day be my husband, my older brother went out into the woods of Colorado, with a device that he made on his own, and took his own life. He was found a few hours later by some people on a hike and we found out after the police dropped by my moms, to let us know his body had been found.

It  was surreal the people that swept in to be by our side at this time. Crazy, how strong I realized I could be as my family fell apart breaking down in fits of tears, trying to remember the memories we had. I was tasked with finding people that knew him. People that could explain to us where he had been, what happened, and how we was shortly before he ended it all.

And in that process, I learned a lot about my brother. Who he was? What he liked? What he was working on? What dreams he had that didn’t hold up for one reason or another? And it made me reflect about my own life immediately. And in knowing my brother reached for his dreams and for whatever reason couldn’t meet them, he tried to live a life he loved, but for some reason was unable, I switched my energy of who I thought I needed to be and decided to become more of who I was, am, becoming.

At 31, he ended his life. And at 25 I began mine.

Every year has been more and more of me finding myself, living out my dreams, pursuing my desires and passions, loving my kids, being open with my spouse, being the person I wanted to be and not the one I thought I had to be. And as I get older I realize more and more exactly who that is.

So what did his death teach me exactly, it taught about living. REALLY living. About experiencing, feeling, being open, being honest, being real, and moving away, letting go, and riding myself of things that didn’t let me do that. His death taught me about how much power I really have. The power to start, to finish, to end it. His death taught me about the demons that I had for myself and how I needed to deal with them before they destroyed me. The destructive thoughts, the harmful thinking, the tattered memories, my childhood scars, my own fears, my triggers, the gaps in my thinking, my denial of self. He taught me to deal with that so that not living my dreams would stop haunting me.

Every year, I get better. I get more excited, I feel more at ease with myself, more at ease with my decisions, more proud because of my choices. I have learned its not always about the end. The legacy. The culmination, but about the day. Focusing on the moment. Living in the now. And being open to letting those you love do it with you.

His death taught me to let people in. It taught me there is so much more to life. That time is abundant when you look at the moment. That I have so much left to do. So much more to experience. I learned to be a better mom, better partner, better friend, better teacher, a better me, because of how I want to feel right now and how I want to be remembered. How do you want you kids to think of you, you family to think of you, your community to acknowledge you?

How do you want to be remembered?

Make Family Life Easy,

Shea Tracey

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Why do Millennial Moms Need Hobbies?

Hello Love,

Happy Friday! You worked hard all week…or maybe the work isn’t done just quite yet. You might have work over the weekend or activities to take the kids to BUT in the midst of all this…. I hope you take the time to do NOTHING.

By nothing, I mean SOMETHING, that doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else, work, your partner, or a way to make money. A means to just do as a way to unwind, a way to enjoy yourself, something you think is fun that also COSTS you money.

You put your heart where your money is…so odds are if you have a hobby that is free, it’s not really much of a joy at all. How do you fill yourself up if you don’t play?

How do you OVERFLOW into your family if your too busy pouring out?

You have to give at work, to your partner, to your kids, to your family, to your friends, to your community…BUT you can’t pour out and never fill back up.

And I’m not talking about wine glasses. Having a hobby gives you an outlet of creativity. and we are all made in God’s image so call us by our names. What do you create…for no other purpose than to create.

There are so many hobbies that you can participate in scrapbook, crochet, knitting, jogging, photography, painting, bowling,  gardening, coloring, baking, basketball, puzzles, calligraphy, zumba classes, dance classes, yoga, reading, writing, a collection, girl, candle making, I Don’t know. lol

But something that’s just for you. Something that makes you smile. Something that brings you joy, something that your kids can point out and say…My mommy really likes ______________.

We are so busy, building, comparing, competing, breaking down barriers, raising children, being the sex kitten at home, the lady in the streets, the stylish best friend, the go getting career woman that we don’t give ourselves enough time to laugh. To play. To be us.

So take the time. Write it out. Want to look into a hobby that you can try out. Go back to the beginning. Think back to the things you did when you were young. The things that you enjoyed when you were 8. The things you were obsessed with when you were 15. The things you did before the kids and partner came, (minus the clubbing and 5 inch high heels. Those things hurt now)

You have to take the time to just enjoy your life, your days, your time. Take some for yourself to revive your spirit and move your soul so that you can fill up. Walking around on full makes it so much easier for you to do for others and to stay focused on the long term vision.


Make Family Life Easy,

Shea Tracey

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The LIE Millennial Moms Tell Themselves: I Have To Do It All Myself

Hello Love,

So before you begin to defend yourself, let me explain. I have had days when I have done everything. Where T, couldn’t get it right and the kids weren’t doing it fast enough. When I just wanted it done the way that I wanted, or I needed everything cleaned in order for me to focus on something else finally but its a LIE, a BIG ONE.

I don’t have to do it all myself.


You don’t have to do it all yourself.

The lies we tell ourselves. I am in charge (no you’re not), I have to do everything (no you don’t), my kids have to do what I say (how often does this happen really), I need to give them all the things I didn’t have when I was young (lie, lie, lie, BIG ASS LIE)! Your children need so much but what they don’t need is all the things you never had. The same way you don’t have to do everything. You have a partner, you have children that can get up and move about the cabin, your children are fully capable OF IGNORING YOU and looking at you like you have poop on your face. SO…..

What is the truth?

The truth is that you have more power than you think and that your family is more capable than what they are doing now. First, you have to get over things being done to your standard of excellence. Why is that? There is more than 1 way to do things. And things don’t always have to be in the time you allotted. Things can be done in the way you need it to be done. Things can be done to your liking but you need room to breathe so that the small things don’t swallow you whole.

Welcome help.

You have your family around to help you, so make them useful. Require their assistance. Take more breaks. Take your time. Teach them how so that your family can do those tasks for you. Go through the motions, take the time now, so that it doesn’t rely solely on you. But if you’re the only person who knows where the towels are, what container the corn flour is in, where the band aids are, what time the school meeting is, what gift is needed for the birthday party, THEN YES, you will be stuck doing it all yourself because you haven’t entrusted others around you to help you.

So take the weights off your shoulder, put up the passwords, pass out the invitations, put up the to do lists so that your partner or your kids can help.

Make Family Life Easy,

Shea Tracey




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How I Found My Purpose and How You Might Find Yours

Hello Love,

I didn’t know that I would be a blogger. But, I knew that I was meant to be a writer from young. At 2, I would sit in corners and pretend to read books, making up stories and turn pages, thinking I was reading. And my moms friends would talk crazy telling my Belizean mother that I was making up stuff and talking to myself but my mom told them to leave me alone.

I found my purpose and it grew as I did.

I wrote plays, short stories, and poetry that talked about my naïvety of the world and my views on love and trust. And I thought I would always be a writer but I never knew what kind. I loved to plan, notebooks, pens, post-its, and calendars. I loved making lists, schedules, containers, bookshelves, and file folders. (Yes, I have been strange for a while now. My friends have just learned to love me lol) And in that I became organized, efficient, systematic, and analytic because to me there is something about a piece of paper that a laptop or phone could never do.

Add that with my love for learning, my love for reading, my love for speaking and its easy to see why I became a teacher.

The kind of teacher I became the Moderate to Severe Special Education teacher tells me what I have always known that I love to root for the underdog. So when my own son, starting showing signs of ADHD and Dyslexia it was clear that the moments of my life….led me to this.

I blog. Because I want to talk. And I get to talk about what I want. When I want. However I want. I am becoming a home-school mom because I love to teach and it kills me to see my son struggling in school while I kill myself at work for parents who are unappreciative and students who just want to be loved. So as of August 1st I am counting down and setting up to be….

A Home School Mom

I’ve been mama Shea since High school. The 2nd oldest of 5 kids, the avid reader, the leader, and my moms right-hand when I became a mom myself it was nothing short of a miracle. Sean came into this world with the most interesting story (look out for that novel in September) and I knew early on that he would need me in more ways than I was willing to give at 25.

I wanted to pursue my career, and be a CEO, I wanted to be rich, fabulous, and famous. I was smart enough, organized enough, efficient enough, and I deserved it. Why not me?

Because, it was purposed for me.

Being a home-school mom is the start. My own ideas on education, personal development, family legacy, and the empowerment of black people; it only made sense to become a home-school mom. My vision for myself, my family, our community, is much bigger than me. And that’s when I knew that I finally FOUND purpose.

The goal, my dream, was bigger than myself.

I was purposed to serve others, put the best interest of others before myself. To create something that was significant, a plan that supported the family’s growth and fulfillment. I have learned so much in my few years as a teacher but I also see that I knew well before I got that masters. I knew more than before I taught my first class. I learned so much in seeing my own child struggle and seeing the things that worked for him. And in that I found something I am willing to fight for.

Finding your purpose is an event. A series of events. A climax of things to come. A moment where you have to make a choice, give in to that choice, with little understanding of what is to come and what you should do…all you know is what! The how will come later!

Do you have your what? A moment that is important! A problem that you want to fix? A love that you can give to? What is the thing that brings you joy, inspires action, and something you would do even without the world paying you? What is something that you want to contribute to that has nothing to do with your fame, your fortune, or your family ONLY?

Uncover the thing that you love more, something that you want to build towards that will expand its reach beyond just you and your family. Once you find it then my love, you are on the right track.

Make Family Life Easy,

Shea Tracey

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Just Get Up and Go Mom (Why I stopped letting things stop me…)

Hello Love,

I hope that you have done something amazing this weekend! And if you haven’t there is still time. So my sons and I ended up at a birthday party on a last-minute invite. More like, we invited ourselves and had so much fun, I realized that things were set up exactly in order for me to end up having an amazing day today.

I woke up this morning having to do a favor for my mommy dearest. She was in charge of making the potato salad and passed the buck down to me which lead to an amazing conversation with one of my favorite cousin and a mention of a birthday party that was happening an hour away from LA.

So, what to do? The weather was JANK in LA today. It was misty, sprinkling, cold, and dark this morning. And my kids were already at it, at 8:35am arguing over toys that they don’t care about only because the other had it and

I knew 2 things:

We need to get out of this house.

The weather wasn’t going to stop us

So the timing lined up, my intentions came together and the kids had a BLAST at Rockin Jump in Palmdale. They got their fill of trampolines, wall climbing, dodge ball and being with their cousins.

Let me tell you, I enjoyed the drive. All this rain has made the hills this lush beautiful green and not just that dry brown we normally see. We drove out right around their usual nap time so I got to have a smooth drive, listening to India Arie’s new album Worthy (it’s just alright, but she did have some good songs, check out #1 #3, and #5, are my favorites) and truly enjoy myself. I enjoyed my kids enjoying themselves. I enjoyed having the great conversations that I had with my cousins and bringing family together for the big things like the birthday party so we can discuss the small things like how was work and the last movie we saw.

The highlight of my day was the drive on that road.

Being able to just drive, go down winding ways and just feel the road behind you stretch to some place different from the place you call home. Maybe it’s just the Sagittarius in me but it’s really one of my favorite things to do.

But check it, the point of this whole story…was that this morning, I didn’t want to get up, leave my house, or spend money to do something with my kids. But I also wanted to entertain my children with something other than movies at home and get them out of the house and away from our normal routine. What I felt this morning didn’t keep me from what I wanted to feel and experience today.

We all had a really great day and it all started with happenstance.

I did not plan this amazing weekend. I did not research for hours, pack an extra bag, load up the car, map out the day, we just went with the flow. We moved from activity to activity and surrounded ourselves with family (the ones we like) and no expectations.

We could have started the day looking for something to. Planning it out, but literally something found us. Walked up to us, almost walked by and we stopped it. Oh there’s a party today, hey we can go to that! “Oh! You can! Yes please!”

Often times what is in store for us is wrapped up in the expectations we don’t have for ourselves or our lives. But our intentions must be clear. We weren’t looking to be busy. The aim was meaningful, the rule of thumb wasn’t do whatever, but do what moves us.

How you feel right now; shouldn’t always dictate what you are going to do and the things that you have planned?

Focus on the feeling that you want to feel.

The feeling that will come by doing the things that stir up the feelings you WANT to have. So get up, go to that event, make that call, meet up with those friend, buy that book, make that craft, have that talk….whatever it is…Move towards and do the things that YOU KNOW will give you joy, bring you peace, and make you say I had an Ah-MAZING day.

I am hella tired. But hey, it was worth it. So the next time you thinking about it, like hey are you thinking about it. Just get up and go!

Make Family Life Easy,

Shea Tracey

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  • He’s a reflection of me. At his best and at his worst. But my job as a parent is not to take that to heart but to love him through. My name sake, my first born, my bull, My big boy. Whether he is wrong or he is right he still is me. #parentblogger #mommybloggers #momknowsbest #momlifestyle #blackmomskillingit #blackboyjoy #smile #parentbloggers #momofboys #mommy #selftalk #dailyaffirmation #insidevoice
  • Remember this when you say something to your kid in anger, annoyance, frustration, in play. It’s not 5 times to have an impact. It’s 5 positive statements so your negative statement doesn’t have an impact! Speak life at times. Life and death is in the tongue. #parentblogger #mommybloggers #momknowsbest #momlifestyle #blackmomskillingit #selftalk #selflove #positivevibes #positivequotes #affirmations #dailyaffirmations
  • You need 5 positive statements to neutralize 1 negative statement. Why are you so lazy? You work so hard. You work so hard. You work so hard. You work so hard. You work so hard! And your child is still at neutral. Don’t compound on the negative things you say to your child. Speak life into them. Tell them they are dope! Tell them they are graced by God to do amazing things. Tell them they light. That they have your heart. Lift them up and give them the tone of voice you want them to use when they talk to themselves. #parentblogger #mommybloggers #momknowsbest #momlifestyle #unschooling #homeschool #blackmomskillingit #blessedfamily #children #selftalk #selflove #blackmomsblog #gracedbygod #mom #wife #family #life #momblogger #
  • Rest. Put down the laundry, leave the cleaning for tomorrow, cook something quick for dinner or throw in the instapot. Rest, do something that brings you joy, spend time with your family. Restore yourself #parentblogger #mommybloggers #home #sunday #browngirlswhoblog #rest #selfcare #selflove #holyday #momknowsbest #momlifestyle #blackmomskillingit #christianmom #christianwoman
  • I’m so glad that we’re back in the 70s if only for a minute! Enjoying this LA weather and doing it first thing in the morning! #parentblogger #mommybloggers #browngirls #momknowsbest #momlifestyle #momlifeisthebestlife #blackboyjoy #momofboys #lalife #park #laviews #trails #morninghike
  • The gift exchange. Keep the Anniversary holy. #momlifestyle #parentsmagazine #parentblogger #momknowsbest #lovegoals #1busymommy #march14 #mommyblogger #mommybloggers #browngirls #browngirlsblog #blackgirlsblog #gift #lovelanguage
  • What is your love rooted in? I used to pride myself in not needing him. Not understanding that the feeling would show in ways that weren’t helpful to our relationship. I became vulnerable, exposed my thoughts and soul with him, that cultivated our friendship it increased our trust helped to bridge our thoughts, helped to establish boundaries, meet expectations and created some norms that we both valued. What is your love rooted in? What is your family built on? #momlifestyle #parentsmagazine #unschoolinglife #parentblogger #momknowsbest #love #romance #relationship #anniversary #year4 #1busymommy #lovequotes #growth #vulnerability #friendship
  • Do you know what today is???? It’s our Anniversary!!!! 4 years today. Write a blog post talking about why our love story is my favorite. Met him at 8 and our lives moved alongside each other for 17 years before we finally decided to take a chance and see where we might lead. looking foreword to doing life with this man for forever! #momlifestyle #parentsmagazine #unschoolinglife #parentblogger #momknowsbest #blacklovegoals #lovegoals #blackmomsblog #momblogger #mommyblogger #anniversary #4
  • Bedtime is early for this mom. Wednesday are my hump day because all of my big To dos are early in the week that way I’m sailing into my weekend! If you need it mommy rest up. #parentblogger #momknowsbest #mommy #momlifestyle #parentsmagazine #mommyblogger #momblog #unschoolinglife #1busymommy #blackmomsblog #browngirlsblog #millennialmom

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