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Inspiration

Why New Years Resolutions Don’t Work (for most people)

Hello Love,

Happy New Year!

Can you believe that we made it to 2019! Praise God! 2019 is the start of a new chapter on life!

BUT BEFORE, you go off an set these New Year Resolutions let me stop you!

So, we all know what New Year’s Resolution’s are right! You make this promises, set these arbitrary goals but never come up with an actual plan of action! People say a lot of stuff but we only give them credit for the things that you do. Not always the attempt, but the things that get done get attention.

But sometimes resolutions get started and then are not completed. You work on them but they never seem to get done? Why? Because you aren’t good enough, you don’t have enough time, because you don’t have enough money? None of these are true.

Resolutions don’t work because you didn’t make a plan that was tangible enough for you to work through. You weren’t specific, you didn’t have a plan, let alone a checkpoint, or a reward to get you to continue working on a goal! WHY? Because believe it or not you have prepared yourself to get it. A resolution is a blanket statement and a goal is just a wish if its not so specific that you can see if when you come across it someone else can see it and say,

Girl, isn’t that for you?

Now before you set out to do 10 things this year….How about you start with 3? 3 MAJOR THINGS. 3 Things That ARE SO BIG, So Specific, that when you get it it can actually be marked off as completed and at it to the I GET THINGS DONE category.

So why is “I’m going to lose weight this year and workout” a resolution but not a goal? Because you weren’t specific enough. Lose weight? How much weight? Through what course of action? In what manner? By When? Is it reasonable? Are you able? Did you prepare?

So, to the woman that is waking up hungover this morning, saying she expects to lose weight this year….She has already set herself up. Because she’s not ready. 

Preparation requires planning.

And if you haven’t prepared you are most likely going to fail. You have TO SOBER UP when you wake up hungover. You think this person can grab something Healthy and expect to feel better. Probably not.

To sober up, sis, probably will have some heavy carbs, some pedialyte, have to sleep it off, (because let’s be real, it’s easier to be hungover at 30 lol) and then maybe start tomorrow. But its Tuesday, today, and I don’t want to start on a Wednesday. So I should wait until Monday when the week is new. SIKE. This is what we call DREAM DELAY. And It’s also how most of Resolutions work.

So instead….

(I’m a day late, because She already turned up last night). Today, she would (while Hung Over) clean out her refrigerator and cabinets and get rid of all the food that may stop her from losing weight. She would get her gym membership ONLINE, you don’t even have to leave the house, and set out a plan (what days, what times, and how she will get there) to start on on her goal. She would need to go grocery shopping, plan out meals, prep meals ahead of time in order to avoid eating out, and so on.

The resolution is the idea. The goal is specific. But the plan it what brings it to fruition.

So resolutions do not work because they are not the solution. You can’t change your life with just the idea. You have to give it a foundation to grow. It has to have roots to expand. It has to become real.  You make the plan, then you work the plan to bring the idea into the physical. So think about the resolutions you have set. Make a plan to make them come into fruition. Be specific about your goals. And don’t have to many of them. We overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what can be done in a year.

So the resolution turned into the goal would be something like this.

By June 1st, I will lose 30 pounds by working out at 24 hour fitness every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, for 1 hour doing a spin class and weight lifting, and track it in my fitness journal.

By (date), (Who) will (specific action here), by (how), (how often), for (how long) through (course of action) and track (where will you record this accomplishment)

 Now go out and set some goals. Just a few, so that you can put them in your done list for 2019.

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

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By Sheamonique Ellis Inspiration

Live Your Best Life: Things To Do Before 40 is NOW Available!!!!!!!!!

Hello Love!

This is Sheamonique Ellis with 1 Busy Mommy and I am so excited to see that Live Your Best Life: Things To Do Before 40 is now available at AMAZON!

This beauty dropped today! And I am ecstatic! I started this process in September, began writing and refining in October, made several attempts to have it finished for by my 30th birthday of November 25th and STILL I am elated. It still feels right on time! This was a bucket list of sorts that I created for myself. Unable to do all the things I wanted to do by my 30th birthday because let’s be real… I had 2 kids, started and almost completed a Master’s in Library and Information Science. Started and COMPLETED a Master’s and Teacher Credential in Special Education so doing ALL that I wanted wasn’t in the cards.

THIS BOOK, IS MY COMMITMENT!

This book is my promise to myself…. It could have been infinitely longer like several of the Ultimate TO DO LISTS I came across but I wanted to be realistic and a BIT extra.

So I wrote this. And I Think It could be something for you to. I think this could get you think about what you want to experience, have, see, do, buy, read, and more.

1 Busy Mommy, will be my homage to this list and my journey in working on this list. So go to the link…ADD It Into Your Cart and BUY 1 for Your and ANOTHER for a friend!

This is the LINK! To Get the Book Live Your Best Life: Things To Do When You Turn 40 

Let me know some of the things you have on your list! Talk To me in the comments below.

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

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Inspiration

The 4 Things 2018 Taught Me and the 5 New Things I’ll Be Doing in 2019

Hello Love,

This is Sheamonique Ellis with 1 Busy Mommy! For all those new to the blog, 1 Busy Mommy is a safe space of self-love, self-care, self discovery and motherhood. I have come to realize that I am Shea first and mother, daughter, spouse, colleague, friend, etc…. are all the roles that I play. I used to LIVE for being someone’s mom and wife and now I have come to realize that it was a feeling I was chasing all along. I USED to think that motherhood meant unconditional love, selflessness, happiness, your heart walking outside of your body and all that other stuff BUT I have also come to realize that my experience and feelings in these roles come out of how I feel.

So it doesn’t matter if my kids are being amazingly cute, if I feel like shit. Mommy is too tired to care. I don’t care if he is in the mood….sleep sounds more appealing. Forget picking up the phone and listening to my friends rant about what happened in traffic… I am struggling to be happy with ME right now….

So I started to GIVE to myself and ALONG the way…. these are some of the things that 2018 taught me.

 

  1. You are only as full…..as YOU give yourself. My fiance can NOT fill me up, my job, my kids, my friends, my parents…..clothes, wine, books. TO FEEL GOOD requires something IN me and not something outside of myself. I had to fill MYSELF WITH ME…… The things that BROUGHT ME JOY. And Not a rush…. Like buying new heels that ARE BOSS…because I’m not going to wear them all day… and as soon as I put them in my closet I am back to neutral. SO I had to figure out what gives me a high that lasts for HOURS…EVEN Days…. THOSE were the things that would fill me. For me that was sitting in my car, music blasting, windows down, doing 75 going no where in particular…. I felt FREE, alive, enjoyed my time and my space and when I returned to my kids, I HAD SO MUCH TO GIVE THEM because I felt good. Shea feels good, means Mommy feels good and kids, fiance, family, friends, coworkers are happy.I can not do everything in my own strength. I have to give it to God. When I did everything, handled everything, looked at the details, counted all the coins, reviewed the checklist I was stressed, mad, overwhelmed and exhausted. I did this for months for years even and I had to stop and ask myself Shea “Why are you running?” What are you striving for?” “Who are you trying to prove something to?” Is this what YOU were called to do? And I had to stop and realize that I was stressed, overwhelmed, and tired because I was doing SO MUCH without God but I couldn’t sustain it on my own. SO, I surrendered. I gave it to God, I stopped stressing, and when I started stressing I would pray again. I would ask for guidance, I would look for confirmation. I would follow my intuition and suddenly my load was lighter. Things started to open up, things that took hours took maybe 1. Because I was going with the flow and not forcing my will on everything.
  2. I acknowledged the gift of being a mother. I used to attach my children to my responsibility. The expansion of my legacy. The extension of me…. AND It made being a mom HARDER than It needed to be. I started seeing every interaction with my children as a gift, a lesson, a memory that I would get to share. The nights when Mason would sneak into our bed at 2:00 in the morning, and want to talk to me, and pet my face, and tell me he loves me and conveniently fall back asleep when I had to get up at 5:30 am…. I begin to see as a gift. Because….My child, got up and WALKED to my bed side, and thought enough TO WANT to talk to me….and PET my face, and TELL ME HE LOVES ME… and THESE WERE ALL GIFTS. MEMORIES. Things that I would reminisce on and he would hardly remember. This was life… And I better enjoy it.
  3. That my job takes up a lot of my day….So I have to find peace, purpose, and love in it. I can’t keep living for Friday…and simply push through the day until 3:15 when the school bell ring. I had to find the miracle and love in everyday so that I had peace of mind and so I felt that I woke up on purpose that I finished each day with intention.
  4. Lastly, I gave up on listening to other people who didn’t see the world I did, and didn’t see the magic in it. I see the shit too, the hate, the racism, the misogyny,the famine, the death, I see ALL of IT…. But How can we have a full life if we only eat the bones and not the meat. How can we only see the negative and not the positive? How can we forget the beauty in the small things and overlook the rest for all the negativity in the world. I stopped sharing my dreams with people who would whisper their own self-doubt over them, I stopped explaining my soul to people, I stopped breaking down the lesson so that it could reach people who didn’t want to reach up to receive it. I stopped pleasing others and started pleasing me.

 

So with that I am taking the things I have found in response to those things…

  1. Prayer. I don’t know where I would be without prayer. I don’t know what I would have without prayer. Because the negative self talk that I had, the feelings that I had about my height, my hair, my voice, my smile, my demeanor, my intelligence, my aptitude, my work ethic was hurting me. With every positive there was a negative and I lived my life in neutral. Giving hope and love to other and talking to myself with intentionality to give myself life. I spoke to God and I was able to hear my true voice. The one that didn’t talk to me crazy and the one that nurtured those small whispers of I think I can… with “Yes… yes, you can”
  2. Healing. I gave myself permission to forgive and let go of the pain that I had because I didn’t know how I would describe myself if I didn’t have to stake claim to the rape survivor, the young girl living in shelters with her abused mother, the student body president struggling with raising her younger siblings, the girl who didn’t value her body and gave it away, the young girl who couldn’t have kids because of her uterus problems, the girl voted most likely to succeed but had yet to accomplish anything. Who was I without all of these labels? I finally decided to find out.
  3. Curiosity. The world is bigger than I am. There is more in books that I could ever read, more places that I could ever travel, more experiences I could ever have and rather than closing myself off to them, I decided to open up the door that I am possible. That I can explore, and that there are things out in the world for me that I have yet to dream of.
  4. Love. I am learning how to love myself MORE and MORE. and that gives me space to love others in this same amazing way. You can only Love others to the extent that you love yourself and I am loving myself for merely trying. For trying to try. For having the thought. So it is nothing to applaud others. To compliment others. To help others. To give to others but all I can help but think… is what if that was me.
  5. Lastly, I am giving myself the willingness to fail. I am no longer scared to fail once, twice, or over and over. Because I finally believe that I will EVENTUALLY get it right. I will give myself the ultimate gift of USING my potential…so that it is no longer something that is sitting in wait. I am giving myself the ability to SHOW ALL OF ME and Finally…. What someone else says doesn’t phase me… Because with prayer, with healing, with love, with curiosity I am standing firm in MY OWN opinion of me.

 

Let me know what you have learned from 2018, what have you let go… And what are you taking with you into 2019.

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Inspiration

Reclaim Your Time With 30 of these Time Savers for Home, Work, & Life

Hello Love,

I know one of the hardest things about being a mom is having enough time to do it all. Work, the duties at home, the needs of your family, and then trying to take care of yourself is HELLA demanding.

But, let’s be real… there is a number of things that we allow to eat up our time… lol like this blog for one. (jk please keep reading. No fa real, keep reading!) We have Love and Hip Hop, Iyanla: Fix My Life, Instagram, Pinterest ( I can get lost on Pinterest), Target, etc… that takes up some of the time we could be using to really pour into ourselves the things that would make us happy, give us life, give us inspiration (yes, I know that’s what Pinterest is for)

You can MAKE time. Not being some magic formula…. Beyonce does not have the same 24 hours as everyone she has like 100 people working for her, nannies, cooks, stylists, personal shoppers, travel agents, managers, she has people who help her in ways that we can’t afford.

SOOOOOOOOOO.

What Can You DO?

Well, I found 30 of the things I DO to help me Reclaim My Time and give to myself somethings that pour into me so that I don’t stress about the foolery or work, the mess that my children make in the house, and just those simple things that I have to worry about that cause being a mom to be that much harder!

This info graph shows you over 30 things you can do to maximize the times you have and making preparation for the next day even easier SAVING you time there.

 

 

I know there are times for rest, times to take a break, time to reconnect. AND Please take the time to do those thing.

BUT….

We both know that being a mom is a full time job  on top of the job you already have! So since being a mom is an unapologetic job, that doesn’t care about how you feel, what you want, nor the things that you have to give up and maintain to be a good one

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK! YOU MAKE IT WORK!

You can download it for yourself here at this link.

And This is just some other things you can do to make MAKING IT WORK Easier.

Take what you can….Leave the rest.

So Let me know what you think in the comments below!

 

 

To get some more personalized tools for time and money management be sure to subscribe to 1 Busy Mommy!

 

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

 

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Wellness

The 1 Thing To Do If You’re Burnt Out and Exhausted…

Hello Love,

I gave myself permission to rest today. After all the hooplah of my birthday and hosting, drinking, entertaining, I woke up tired. Rather than pushing through and bearing it I decided to rest.

And the kids still managed to eat with a little help from dad. The kids still did something productive, watched more tv than I would have liked but we made it through.

I feel better now that I had a chance to rest and I’m glad that I didn’t try to be Superwoman and do everything that was on my list. So laundry was half done, dinner was decent, and the kids still got to have story-time with 3 books, 1 song, 5 goodnight kisses and hugs.

But I know before, I would have pushed through and went to work. I would have completely gone above and beyond to make sure that I felt productive and accomplished in having beards not feeling well but still handling all of my duties.

But truth be told, I have myself the permission I needed to not worry about a glamorous dinner, doing all the laundry, cleaning up, and having a fun activity planned for the family.

I rested and that was more than enough.

I feel good.

I’m glad I didn’t over extend myself and I’m sure more moms need some of that too.

There will always be more than enough to do, something else to try, someplace else to be so don’t exhaust yourself by trying to do everything, to have everything, to be everything to everybody.

Rest. You have permission to rest. So please lay up, chill out, take a bath instead of a shower, have a glass of wine, another cup of coffee, or whatever else you need.

Rest is a huge part of self care, so regiment time daily.

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

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Inspiration Self Care

Want to Move Onto Your Blessings…Here’s How

Hello Love,

This is my first post for 1 Busy Mommy, LLC. A platform that promotes self care, self love, wellness, and personal development for the woman who is also a mom. The woman comes first because who YOU are as a person makes up WHO YOU ARE in every role that you have. So my roles are christian, mom, spouse, daughter, friend, colleague and the list goes on. They have a BIG part in what I do and how I do things but WHO I AM makes up all the roles that I play.

So YOU AS A PERSON, ME AS A PERSON, in order to MOVE onto the blessings that are meant for you, you have to surrender. Let go. Acknowledge that the ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL IS YOU. So how are you controlling you? Where does your stress, planning, management, wellness, and everything else come about. And I found the answer.

Prayer.

PRAYER is how you surrender. Prayer is how you get what is meant for you. I chased a lot of things based on what I thought I needed to have, needed to become, needed to pursue, needed to buy… and yes it felt good in the moment. BUT its IMPOSSIBLE to sustain what is not meant for you. Doing things in your own power is what causes the stress, the burnout, the lack of fulfillment, a meaningless existence. Not getting your blessings, not living in purpose is what causes you to fill yourself with things outside of you can begin to define yourself based on your relationships and your purchases and not by the traits that you have. Why define yourself by your career, your job title, the things you own, the relationships you have to people and NOT BASED ON WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE…..

I want my blessings. I want what God has planned for me. I want to wake up feeling like I did so on purpose and that it was a gift that is special.

Pray, Surrender, Ask… and listen without question.

Is this meant for me God? Confirm this for me God? Is this the job I should take? Is this the book I should write? When should I do it God? AND IT WILL UNFOLD FOR YOU NATURALLY. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work” (2 Cor. 9:8)

So… Don’t come up with your own plan. Do not use your own will. Do not identify your own resources. It will be shown to you. The path will come to light, after you pray.

 

I had to accept that a lot of the choices that I made was of my own picking. Returning back to my spiritual self and realizing that I had been listening to a number of others who didn’t know what dream I had on my heart. I was telling people about my aspirations and beliefs who didn’t have the vision to see what I saw. And why would they? God, told me, not them. Why would I expect them to understand? Why should they have to? You can not get your blessings surrounded by people who do not believe for you. Your circle is a reflection of you so what you see in them is what is in you.

Then, Acknowledge that the blessings that are in store for you and not meant to be understood. If you can see the how… then YOU ARE LITERALLY DREAMING SMALL. You don’t need to see, you have to trust.

So this is my journey…. in trust. In obedience. This is my acknowledgement that there is something outside of me that sustains me to do everything that I have been called to do. Doing it only in my power makes it feel hard, impossible, or unnecessary.

You want what is for you…. Pray.

I started praying. Getting closer to God, reading the bible, going to church and I felt it. The shift… The pull and I can finally say… I get it.

Alignment comes from within. In order to align you have to consult. Its not your husband, your friend, your mom, your children that can guide you. Through them God will affirm your prayers. So trust the process. In order to get the blessings for you… You have to go to God.

Stay up to date with the latest posts by subscribing to the site. Thanks for your support.

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

 

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Self Care Wellness

Someone(‘s Mom, Someone’s Daughter, Someone’s Wife): Who are you without your branches?

Hello Love,

Those new to the blog thank you for stopping in and and to my return readers I just thought that I should share. I got the chance to share out my feelings on motherhood as a guest on the Go Forth and Adult Podcast. If you want to check it out you can do so here Mother, May I? and I got to share my thoughts on being a mother in this wonderful feminist era, #metoo movement, where women are finally being heard and acknowledged as people.

What was posed in the conversation was the idea that is being perpetuated about Black mothers who have an interesting intersection in the media as being too STRONG, too INDEPENDENT, too HARD to be seen as the soft, vulnerable, sweet, loving woman that is often portrayed of white mothers.

But what was posed was the question of How do you define yourself outside of being a mom? What do you do to keep your identity outside of being a mother.  and I understood the intention of the question. Society has shown us for far too long that women’s main purpose is to be a mom without promoting that same ideal of fatherhood on to men.  And I remember stating very clearly… I am the wrong person to ask.

When really, I was the perfect person to ask. So again, I encourage you to go and check out the podcast, I was perhaps TOO HOT (honest, Open, transparent) but I shared…

I am Shea and the roles that I have are mom, daughter, girlfriend, etc..

In how I define myself and want to be seen as a mother is that I should be acknowledged, FIRST as a person.

I am SOMEONE…before I am Someone’s MOM, Daughter, Wife, Sister, Friend, Colleague. I am a person first.

Their are moms tell who when asked who are they, they start with Mom, or Wife. I am not here to tell you how to define yourself. I am here to remind you that no one else is allowed to define you. No one can tell you who and what you are. You have the right to inform them.

I have to remember me in the midst of all of this. Who you are as a person is who you will be in all of the roles you occupy. So that goes on to say that if you STAND solely on the roles you play… When those role have struggle and strife, and they will you will question yourself as a PERSON. Not doing well as a mom, and if you define yourself solely in that role then you begin to question your WORTH as a person. If you are a wife first when your marriage is going through its problems or its struggles then you will also question your WORTH. So defining WHO you are, WHO I AM, on anything that is outside of me where I may have influence but not control makes it hard to be maintain happiness and gratitude.

My role of mom is a gift. I am reminded of that everyday. I am shown beautiful memories with everything that my children do. BUT…. I have to be Happy with myself in order to be Happy. If I am not happy it doesn’t matter what they do, I won’t be able to feel joy. You are you? How do you define you? What do you care about? Stay Tuned! I have an amazing gift for all of my subscribers to help with their self-discovery, their soul uncovering, and healing. Subscribe to the blog below to stay in the know.

 

Talk To You Soon,

Sheamonique Ellis

 

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Self Care Wellness

Want To Get Over Your Negative Self Talk…Here’s How

Hello Love,

This is how it typically goes. You say something positive about yourself and then that small voice inside of you says something against it. You give yourself life…UNTIL the small voice can’t say anything.

 

Duel of Self

 

This is Me: “”

And My Insecure Self: (italics)

 

I am a river. (No you’re not)

I am giving. (No you’re not)

I am the answer to someone’s prayer. (Who’s prayer?)

I am promoted by God. (Girl, please)

I am selfless. (You tried it)

I am honest. (Now, you lying?)

I am kind. (Not, wit yo mean ass!)

I am beautiful. (MMMMmmm, I’ll give you that one)

I am powerful. (Not today)

I am feminine. (Not in every way)

I am unique. (But sometimes you’re the same)

I am a mentor. (Girl, stop playing)

I am a role model. (To who?)

I am dope. (For you?)
I am interesting. (Yeah, sometimes)
I am witty. (Yeah you right)

I am a good Shepherd of money. (Not even when you try).

I am a wonderful mother. (Not all the time)

I am intelligent. (This I know)

I am creative. (Silence)
I am a entrepreneur. (Even louder Silence)

I am a boss. (Now that’s a lie)

I am a successful business woman (only if you try)

I am saved. (Yeah, we’re making through)

I am a woman of integrity. (True)

I am vivacious. (True)

I am empowering. (True)

I am a movement. (Only you know)

I am able. (…)

I am able. (…)

I am able. (…)

I am able. (…)

I am able… I am able…. I am able!

 

Wins:

Insecure self: 21

Me: 1,

and that is more than enough

 

[Note: You never refer to yourself as YOU or by name. Whenever you say something to yourself in the 2nd person, YOU, or ______ (fill in the blank with your name) know that this is not your true voice. You talk to yourself in “I” statement. If only I, I need to, Why did I…. That is YOUR OWN VOICE, You, or Your name _________ is the voice of your enemy. The voice of your insecure self. Talk nicely to yourself. Like you are the most precious person in the whole world. In YOUR WORLD, You are]

Talk To You Soon,

 

Sheamonique Ellis

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